Posted by Nadezda on October 18, 2008, at 10:14:49
In reply to I'm not sure what to do, posted by Dinah on October 17, 2008, at 18:48:41
Hi, Dinah.
I'm sorry I haven't been following along in this discussion as carefully as I'd like, so forgive me if I"m butting in, or saying something that's already been said to a faretheewell.
But really, the answer to this question boils down to one thing: Is this something that You want to do? Do you want to do it enough to move into the phase where you try it out? where you give this method (desensitization, or whatever your T, or another T, has as a technique) a real effort, and put yourself wholeheartedly into the work? All you need to know that.
You don't need to know if it will work. You can't know the fall-out. I do believe that you can stop short of contaminating your T, or ruining your life by trying. But all the provisos, the what ifs, the hesitations, are part of saying, I 'm not ready yet. If that's what you truly feel-- that in your heart, you don't want this now, the answer simply is No.
There's no shame in saying No. Because if it's an honest, No, then why or how could you possibly undertake this?. This takes a deep commitment-- not a wish that you could, or that you could please everyone, or live up to some idea in your own mind-- but just a real commitment to try-- a sense that you're scared, but, damn the torpedos, full speed ahead-- because you just need to, for yourself.
Remember also, that if you improve the situation, you've accomplished a lot. This isn't an all or nothing effort-- it's about becoming able to tolerate more. Steps, a partial inroad into the phobia, limiting its scope or power, would be very meaningful.
But forget about being a "good girl"-- that truly has nothing to do with where you really are.. I just don't think there's a should here though-- not one that matters.
You can make your peace with having this limitation. Or you can decide that you can't make peace with it, that you need and want to take this new step. Or you can decide that you can't make peace with it, but you aren't ready for this particular step. Deciding not to now is not giving up. It's saying, you're not ready. You may be ready in the future. You're made great progress recently. But there's no shame in not rushing forward too fast, if you aren't really ready for it.
If you look into what the DBT people call your own "wise mind," you'll find that you do have your own answers. We can give you all the support in the world for your decision. I certainly will. But only you can know what your decision is.
I sense that you may not be ready. In that case, it's not right to force yourself. It's not a failure not to do this-- it really is okay. Give yourself the right to make your own decision, though. It is your right.
hugs,
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:857976
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858078.html