Posted by 10derHeart on October 13, 2008, at 0:03:59
In reply to So scared, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2008, at 20:09:57
>Unlike last time, I couldn't do what I was supposed to do.
>I need to do this for my family.
>I don't want to hurt them, but if they need someone who can do this, it'll have to be someone else.I hear so much distress here, maybe mixed up with guilt, frustration? I'm sorry it feels so awful right now. I guess the bright side is that v. never, ever lasts - it can't really, in any common illnesses (barring chemo tx or something like that, but that's clearly not the case here) - so this definitely has a foreseeable end point. And is unlikely to happen again any time soon, I would think. That probably helps very little, but I think it's mostly accurate.
But to the reason I posted - I guess I'm dense and confused (familiar states of mind) because I don't know what "it" is. What are you supposed to do that you can't, exactly? What is "this?" I ask as I'm remembering the rare times I did v. when others were around, the *last* thing I wanted was anyone near me. I know some people do...is your husband one who wants you to hold his head? Or clean up? Or...something else? I guess I can't grasp what there is to do, exactly? I mean, as a wife and mom, sure, it's be great to be closer (maybe) and needing to leave the house I can certainly imagine could be guilt-producing. But if you were able to stay, what is there to do? T_____ u__, like a lot of painful, uncomfortable symptoms of illness, has to be borne mostly alone, in the end, really. And I'm guessing your hubby, knowing for many years of this serious phobia, would have quite low expectations of you physically approaching him, or being near the scene of the event, so to speak, right?
Maybe I'm just odd, or was a crumby wife in this area when I was married. I never cleaned that up or asked them for help if it was me. I just did it once I felt better, which was often minutes after wards, as the body seems to know when it must be sick and as a result feels blah and weak on one hand, but OTOH, ever-so-much better in minutes. Maybe that was wrong and weird. I dunno. No one complained, that I recall.
Or is it more than you can't stand to go near the location later? Or near him, even? I hope this doesn't feel like interrogation, I only want to grasp the particulars, as you seemed to originally post feeling *so* badly about an obligation to act....
Maybe if I get a better picture I might think of something clever so you can take care of yourself AND them, too. I could try, at least.
I wish your T. could help more with this.
((Dinah and family))
poster:10derHeart
thread:857131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857151.html