Posted by Dinah on October 10, 2008, at 18:44:57
In reply to Re: I had to start a new thread. » Dinah, posted by Nadezda on October 10, 2008, at 18:12:26
I know his saying yes was a reflection of the fact that he understands so well exactly what I do and don't want from him.
I have no desire to do it in anything other than fantasy and metaphor. I have the same mental images sometimes of sitting next to the window in his office and gazing out. That one I have indulged, and the fact is that his floor just isn't that comfortable, it's hard to gracefully sit and stand, and the window isn't the right distance from the floor to make it satisfying. It is a good metaphor, but fails in implementation.
Most good fantasies are far better than their fulfillment would be. :)
I'm not sure why I crossed that boundary I've set for myself today. And I'm not sure if he put any thought into his reply, or if it was an acknowledgment of sorts that I had done something I don't normally do.
He always tells me that I'm not very good at accepting grace. I think that most probably it was an act of grace on his part, and that this time I did accept it without discounting it. Even if my acceptance wasn't literal.
But... Well it's also probable that he figured a person who wouldn't take off her shoes to curl up on his sofa would be unlikely to curl up at his feet, so since we were having a rather playful session it would be safe to answer in a way to keep that mood alive.
I do know how lucky I am though. I suppose someone looking at it without knowing our history could see a red flag boundary issue. But to be able to maintain the important boundaries as really firmly as we both do, while still achieving a fair degree of intimacy and reciprocity. Well, that took a heck of a lot of work and even more good luck. And I suppose it had a lot to do with who he is, and even more to do with who I am in that I'm not a woman, and he doesn't make the mistake of thinking I am.
poster:Dinah
thread:856794
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856811.html