Posted by Nadezda on October 4, 2008, at 11:53:05
In reply to What lurks underneath idealization?, posted by lucie lu on September 29, 2008, at 18:33:07
Some kinds of idealization seem perfectly reasonable (I use the word advisedly) and useful: when we love someone, we probably idealize them, but this is valuable and can inspire poetry, joy, or excitement that is otherwise missing. Idealizing someone to the point where it diverges too far from how the person is become harmful because it makes us vulnerable to their misjudgments and hurtful actions. Especially since people ofoten blame themselves (since the other person carries all the 'good' and we carry the 'bad) or minimize the hamr, or even believe that they're misperceiving what's gone on, thus perpetuating the situation.
I suppose idealization can protect people then from angry or negative feelings, because these feelings are instead turned against onself, keeping the connection to others (or the particular other who's the object of this) free from ambivalence or any doubt.
But in lots of ways, idealization is how people make the world come alive. "Reality" otherwise could be a cold or indifferent place, where unless strangers made extraordinary efforts to elicit a response (which people tend not to do, mostly, at least in my experience) one is left detached, sensing nothing but distant, empty gestures. So while there are lots of stances, including a more "objective" and sober view of life, a somewhat idealized vision of things--but one that admits ambivalence and uncertainty, too-- strikes me (perhaps somewhat wrongly) as a more workable one than the more than the more definitely pessimistic view that I personally have.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:854814
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/855708.html