Posted by Amanda29 on September 28, 2008, at 18:58:54
What consitutes a trip to the psych hospital? I mean I know the obvious...if you are suicidal or a harm to others,or depressed...I just need to get out of my life...I need to get away from everyone. I am so confused with everything. I told my T it is hard because I go to him every week and I am a wreck...at least my thoughts are...and yet during the week when I am around my family and coworkers...I have to put up this fake front where I am all happy and everything is good. I come home and I am exhausted for being someone that I am not. I dont like feeling depressed and sick...but I am. It has been suggested that I go out and do things and get my mind on other things..but I am too scared to do anything by myself...I dont have any friends...Im just kind of stuck right now. Whem my mom is on the phone with me, she asks me how I am..and I have to lie to her and tell her I am fine...previously when she had asked me how I was..and I was honest and told her I was feeling depressed...she told me to snap out of it..that I am only thinking of myself and I need to get over myself and focus on someone else for a change and that I am selfish. SO. As you can imagine...I dont tell her how I am anymore...same thing goes for the rest of my family. SO..the only person that sees me as ME...is my T.
I am in so much pain it hurts...and I Feel like my T is frustrated because I have been making progress and all of a sudden ..I am not. Im not trying to upset anyone...I am upsetting myself because I am so alone.
I want to be in the hospital to get away from life...but I dont like the hospital setting. I went to rehab last year and it was really rough...I think this would be even worse.
But, the sad thing is that I feel like I belong in a psychiatric hospital...I have BPD, OCD, Bipoar disorder, Major depression and anxiety and ptsd..and all it would take from me is one major meltdown and I could go...but I dont want to have to do that...I just want to go...But...I know I cannot use the hospital as a "hotel" just to get away for a few days.
I just want to be at a place where I feel accepted ...and unfortunatley I feel like I would fit right in.
I want my T to give me the ok to go..but I know he is doing everything he can to keep me OUT of the place...because ultimately that is not a place that I would want to be.
I want to go to the hospital, I want to flip out on everyone and get sedated and to have people care for me...I need someone to care for me..I feel like I cannot care for myself....
My thoughts are all messed up...how many people actually want to be admitted to a psych hospital?
I think ultimately I DONT want to. But I am just trying to go where I know I belong. :(
poster:Amanda29
thread:854659
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854659.html