Posted by lucie lu on September 19, 2008, at 15:26:50
In reply to Thanks to all, posted by JayJ on September 19, 2008, at 14:22:57
Hi Jay,
I think the last thing you said is the most important... what really matters is how you feel in therapy and whether your T's efforts and actions are therapeutic. I think everyone is agreed that boundary violations are BAD. But boundary crossings... well, one person's crossing is another person's therapeutic breakthrough. And a good T may do something under special circumstances (even allowing you to call their home in an emergency could be viewed as a boundary crossing) and then gently lead you back to more usual behavior. A good T is committed to keeping you both safe from harm by boundary maintenance. A bad T will not. I think the whole issue is that there are unethical Ts and these have to be stopped dead from pursuing those slippery slopes. But those ethical ones - our good Ts - who really have only our welfare and healing in mind, may choose *with the consent of the client* to bend things now and again.
The truth is, Jay, there really isn't a standard against which boundary crossings can be measured. Hugs? Anethema to Freudians and yet very common, even endorsed in more humanistic therapies. I think the latter would be very offended if they were seen as "unregulated" Freudians! Refusal of a small gift would be considered untherapeutic in most types of therapy. And phobia deconditioning Ts often accompany patients out to places they are phobic of. That is just part of what they do clinically. Boundary crossing? So boundary crossings are almost impossible to quantify because there is no one standard way to conduct therapy.
That said, I think it's widely agreed that there is no sex with clients. Period. That's the ultimate boundary crossing. Friendships outside of therapy, common business interests, both usually no-no although, as mentioned before (very small town) there may be obvious exceptions.
But Jay, there's one thing that applies no matter what - and that's that if you feel uncomfortable with something your T is doing, speak up immediately! This could include a lot of things that are well-intentioned but just don't work for you. If you find yourself in that situation, talk honestly with your T. Remember, therapy is something that is done with you, not to you. You are an equal partner in your therapy.
I really have to apologize for getting so aerated about this subject! It's because, while I understand that some people on this board have had disastrous experiences with terrible or unethical Ts, others of us are lucky enough to have very caring, loving, thoughtful Ts who would never dream of hurting us. I get upset when I hear them being tarred with the same brushes as their unethical colleagues. So I do resent any suggestion that their kind efforts are potentially slippery slope behaviors. I really think the location and steepness of that slope depends critically on the T.
OK off the bandstand!
poster:lucie lu
thread:852711
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852947.html