Posted by Nadezda on September 16, 2008, at 23:18:00
In reply to Re: A blessing, but not unmixed » lucie lu, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2008, at 17:13:00
It's hard to be loved for who you are-- and-- to the contrary-- it's hard not to be loved, even if it's reassuring to know you can count on being seen objectively and more clearly accounted for.
I guess it's one of those dilemmas-- you can't have it all. On the whole, I think you've got the better of the two worlds-- Maybe your T can't reflect back to you your sense of your limitations, and the urgent sense of failings that you'd like to change, that also seem implacable. I can see why you'd like to know can judge better than you how likely you are to succeed--and can share that urgency, rather than feeling-- that it's all part of a wonderful, if flawed, person whom he accepts. Still, maybe he sees something you don't see yet; maybe he's ahead of you, and you are changing in ways that you don't see.
I have a feeling though that others, besides him, see something in your photo, and, more importantly, your face, that you cant perceive-- Maybe you have a charm and rawness that they struggle for. But whatever "they' think, I suspect it's a whole lot more complicated and non-monolithic than you imagine-- even if they do "pray for you." People have a way of keeping their thoughts to themselves, and going with the flow-- whatever their rebellious or dissenting ideas.
The Dinah I know here-- and I can't believe it isn't pretty connected to the real Dinah-- is worth a lot. And-- maybe I'm all wrong about this-- but I can't believe that people who know you don't have some inkling of that Dinah, too. Or, if you are changing, maybe you have moved to a new self, one who, for the moment, doesn't fit in so well-- but who may-- perhaps in new, unexpected ways, or in unexpected places.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:852299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852397.html