Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2008, at 17:08:44
In reply to Re: A blessing, but not unmixed » Dinah, posted by onceupon on September 16, 2008, at 16:11:36
I definitely feel that way!
I realized as I read your post that I had posted something very similar to this not too long ago. That my therapist overvalued me.
In that context, he was urging me to do something I didn't think I could do. He not only thought I could do it, but he waxed eloquent on why he thought I'd do it well. Some of what he said didn't fit my self image at all. And as it turned out, I couldn't do it.
Fortunately he didn't express disappointment in me over that. I had talked to him about how what he'd said had upset me, because it put expectations on me I didn't think I could meet. And that I was afraid when he saw who I really was, he'd be disappointed in me.
This is a bit different in that he isn't expressing the belief that I have nicer qualities than I actually have. It's more that he's seeing the bad qualities, but he's no longer seeing them as negatives. He now finds them sort of sideways positives.
I am swinging wildly on my interpretation of that. One minute I'm thinking he's just trying to help me stay positive about things I'm unlikely to change. The next minute I'm remembering the *feel* of what he said. It didn't feel rah-rah. It felt more like amused affection. The sort you might feel for an awkward friend who you totally accept and really care about, even though you recognize their difficulties.
Goodness knows, it's always nice to be "seen" and still be cared for. But occasionally I'd also like him to acknowledge that there are ways I really need to change. (Other than feeling better about myself.)
poster:Dinah
thread:852299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852338.html