Posted by lucie lu on September 16, 2008, at 20:14:29
In reply to wanting to cry but embarrassed., posted by Amanda29 on September 16, 2008, at 19:01:32
Amanda,
It sounds like we are going through similar things this week. Look at the replies to the thread above ("i cannot tell my T") - there is a lot of empathy out there from others who've gone through the same things in their therapies.
Funny you mention that hug. I've been seeing my T for 6 years. In what was probably the most important session we ever had, we were going over some pretty painful stuff. I wanted, no, I badly NEEDED, a hug - from him. He wanted to engage me verbally but I just couldn't do it. I was sobbing, leaning against the door, repeating "I just can't do this" (meaning therapy). Then I saw that he'd come over to me, and asked "Do you still want that hug?" Which of course I did. It was so firm, almost uncomfortably tight - I think he was trying to ground me (he was careful to keep the hug "from waist up" which I did appreciate). But it enabled me to calm down enough to sit next to him again and talk. I asked again for a hug a few weeks later and he looked embarrassed but said we really couldn't, and I said OK. I didn't ask again. We've talked about it several times since (known as "The Hug"). We both know that if he hadn't responded that way then, I would've left therapy. Sometimes you just need someone to make that exception for you, to make you feel you do matter.
One thing I did want to ask you, Amanda, why is it you feel you have to be strong? To me, it seems like therapy is one of the few places where you don't really HAVE to be strong. I also wonder what would really cause a T to blink. I'm sure they probably have heard it all if they've been at this for any period of time. Can they really be surprised by anything? As other posters told me, just do it in baby steps. That would give your T the chance to reassure you by showing you he can take it. You'll gain confidence in him and maybe in yourself too, and you'll be able to talk about those things you need to talk about.
Good luck,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:852365
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852370.html