Posted by Amanda29 on September 16, 2008, at 19:01:32
My session with my T last Thurs. was really awesome. I went in to talk about one topic and ended up talking about six different things...and they all ended up being related somehow but, I had no idea they were going to emerge. (I find it weird how that happens). But, I didnt cry with what I told him although I was extremely nervous. Instead, I started shaking while I was talking...(he could tell I was upset). My T has seen me get emotional before but the stuff that I am talking about now is extremely personal to me...EXTREMELY...and I am more worried about what he thinks of me AFTER i tell him.
He told me he has NO judgement of me, which is good, but that doesn't make it easier for me to sit there and tell him what I need to tell him.
I want to be strong, and not get emotional...I am a very emotional person, and for once I would like to hold it in.
He tells me there is nothing I can say that will surprise him or make him shocked...that I can tell him anything...but it is still hard.
I have been with him for 3 years, and so we have been through a lot, but this is pretty personal, and he hasnt heard what I am going to tell him.
Is there ANYTHING that is too much for a therapist to handle?
When I get emotional I tend to want someone to hug me and previously I had gotten so emotional and I told him all I wanted was for someone to hold me and tell me that they loved me and that I was going to be ok. (I had a lack of love when I was growing up) and severe abandonment issues because I was abandoned all throughout my life ..starting at birth...so I have this constant need for people...and anyway, he ended up giving me a hug...(he asked me first) and told me that I was going to be ok and that I am loved and cared for and that...was done therapeutically..so it was ok. But, I want that again from him, but I am not going to ask for it.
Im just freaking out. I want to get to the point of tears with my T but, I am also wanting to be strong.
Im dealing with sexual abuse and trauma, and experimenting that was done when I was young...and it is extremely hard to talk about..and in the 3 years I have been his patient...it is just now surfacing...go figure. It is good that I am talking about it but it is confusing and it hurts. Im trying really hard to do my best and tell him everything..but it is so hard.
poster:Amanda29
thread:852365
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852365.html