Posted by Nadezda on September 11, 2008, at 9:41:09
In reply to How do you ask for help?, posted by JayMac on September 10, 2008, at 18:12:17
I would try a strategy the DBT people call "coping ahead." It's a part of problem solving. You can go through different scenarios, and think of how you might respond. Like if your parents say, x, you'll say y. You can even write it down.
I think going through the possible responses, and planning how you'll present yourself and the request strengthens your sense of comfort in your self-presentation and your confidence in asking. You won't feel as vulnerable-- you can practice tone of voice, do role playing, to see how you think various people will respond to your request-- and structure the request to make it most comfortable to you.
I would definitely write down what you want to say and feel very secure in the wording and the emotional state you want to convey. I really do think practicing in front of the mirror or into a tape recorder is also a really helpful thing-- although I haven't yet done it. I have some issues myself where I need to use some of these skills.
DBT has so many great ideas about "interpersonal effectiveness"-- so many helpful suggestions. I'm learning a lot from it, although it does take time and a lot of practice.
I hope you can find a way to ask, though-- it would be tough to have to cut back even more.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:851397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851471.html