Posted by Racer on August 30, 2008, at 1:49:11
In reply to I'm Going to Turn Myself In, posted by susan47 on August 29, 2008, at 14:44:41
First of all, the therapist is the professional, and is the one who's supposed to recognize problems. That's why the client pays the therapist, not the other way around, right?
That's a trigger point for me this week, by the way, so if that wasn't helpful, ignore it.
What I really wanted to say, though, was this:
I am anorexic -- although, as anyone with AN will tell you, "no I'm not, people only think I am" -- and probably the hardest part for me is that I KNOW how crazy I am sometimes. I know that I'm not rational. I know that my thinking is distorted. I know that what's going on inside my head is, you know, just f'ing nuts sometimes. (Don't I sound pathetic, now that I look at it that way...) I know all that -- and it makes no difference whatsoever.
I'm sharing this with you, Susan, because I want you to know that you're not alone with some of this. It's not hard to make oneself crazy with the "I should not have had this problem" thinking. It's not helpful, all it does is feed the worst feelings. I try very hard to think about what I'd say to someone else with the same story as mine -- I know I'd be a lot more compassionate towards anyone else. I like to think I am compassionate, supportive, comforting, and a nurturing to my friends, so I try to remember to use some of the same qualities in my self-talk.
Susan, did something happen recently that brought this up for you? It seemed as though you had more distance from this not that long ago. I know that I sometimes use my own treatment trauma against myself -- mostly the same sorts of things you seem to be saying to yourself -- but it's really the expression of increasing depression, dissatisfaction with other parts of my life, stress, insecurity, etc. Do you think this might be some sort of displacement on your part?
Best luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
poster:Racer
thread:849022
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/849147.html