Posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 9:06:23
I'll preface this by saying that she asked me to keep her apprised of how I was doing; that she was concerned that she had her break scheduled and there I was in the middle of a crisis. I called twice. The first time to give her an update - newsy kind of call, "there's no need to call me back." Ha. Then 2 days later I called again and said that I'd like to take advantage of her offer to call me back for a quick chat.
Eventually she called while I was out of town with a friend (which was a very restorative and healing break for me, much needed). At the time, though, I was still characterizing the trip as Running Away From Home. So right out of the chute we had some fodder to mull over on the call. This wasn't running away, it was doing something nurturing for myself - and boy, was that tough to hear her call it that, and even harder for me to believe.
I was only gone for 5 days. There were times when I was able to totally focus on the Here and Now and fully engage in my surroundings, and truly enjoyed myself. There were other times when I'd speak with my husband and off I'd go on a trigger. A few times my friend not so gently suggested that I turn off my phone - but I didn't do it. I was able to say, at one point, that the subject my husband was bringing up was upsetting me and that we would talk about it when I got home. (By the time I did get home, he had straightened out the upsetting issue - and he probably would have done so without telling me about it in the first place - but that's part of our dynamic; his boundaries with me are very poor, and I feel guilty every time I say, "please don't cross this line in the sand with me right now.")
Anyways... I was totally impressed (and rather teary at first) that my T called me back; that she was able to do good "phone" with me, which hasn't always been the case; and I'm glad that I asked her to call me. It feels like a kind of important step in trust that I took - perhaps out of desperation, but that's appropriate too.
It's good to be home. I see my T for our session this afternoon.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:845883
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/845883.html