Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2008, at 11:46:08
In reply to Found out what my T's wife looks like..., posted by stellabystarlight on August 10, 2008, at 20:40:14
I've googled my therapist. In fact, I do it every once in a while. My therapist knows. It doesn't bother him since it's public information. I hope he googles himself regularly too.
I know where he used to live because he put it on his receipts as a mailing address. It was within blocks of my house. He knows that I drove to the corner near his house because I wanted to see how likely it would be for him to drive past my house while I was picking up the newspaper in my robe and slippers. I was happy to discover that although it was close, there was no direct way to get from his house to mine, so I didn't have to worry. He said he's had clients do drivebys and he considers it a sign that they are trying to feel close to him.
I saw his wife because she showed up at his office one day. I was curious, and was glad to have my curiosity satisfied. It felt a bit weird, especially since she showed up at the beginning of my session, and my therapist seemed a bit annoyed and a bit unsure what to do. I told him it was fine for him to talk to her before seeing me, and he did. We just tacked on a few minutes at the end.
I wasn't particularly jealous. My therapist is a bit finicky, so it didn't surprise me that she was fit and slim and pretty. I know she's way more competent and powerful in her field than I'll ever be. But lots of people are. I don't envy her him as a husband. He's not nearly as good a match for me as my husband, and I'd never want to trade mine for him. I think my therapist would drive me utterly batty as a husband. I am glad he has someone in his life and I hope that they stay together in relative marital contentment forever (in part because she has strong ties to the area). I did feel a pang once when he signed off a phone conversation he ended as he was signaling me in with an "I love you." But since I loved him dearly and told him frequently, and he hadn't responded in kind, that was kind of natural.
I think most therapists are pretty cool about whatever feelings come up about themselves. They may be less cool about feelings expressed about their spouses or children. Some sort of evolutionary imperative, probably.
I try to be very respectful about my feelings about his family. I admitted to feeling jealous of his daughter, even though I recognized that as a parent, he would probably be as annoying as any other parent.
It's certainly fine to talk about whatever feelings we might have with our therapists. But it might be the better part of valor to tread lightly where their spouses and children are involved. Maybe that's just my own cautiousness. I try not to wake the mother tiger. But maybe I'm overcautious.
I don't *think* he'd mind if I googled her. But I'm not sure I'd put it to the test.
And yes, I do think we get the best of them. They certainly can't behave with us as they probably behave with their spouses and children on occasion. Even the best of spouses and parents behave in ways a therapist really can't.
poster:Dinah
thread:845448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/845499.html