Posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 23:20:46
This therapy relationship is sooo hard...
I said goodbye to my T because I couldn't handle the transference/counter-transference. He got choked up and wouldn't say goodbye to me and asked me to call him.
He was so happy to hear from me when I called. I could tell and told me in so many words that he missed me a lot and wanted me to come back.
I felt strong enough so I went back but then we had a huge blowout because I confronted him about my frustrations with his mixed messages. He can't seem to admit to any personal feelings he's shared with me. It was bad, but we worked it out after much effort on both sides. I ended up feeling like he really cared about me as a person.
I feel so strong sometimes, knowing that I'm learning so much through him. Othertimes, I feel like I'm back to that "back and forth" confusion of "he cares/doesn't care about me".
I know I should terminate this relationship...but can't seem to fathom it. I never thought I would end up in this situation!
(I know this is messed up!) I started seeing another therapist on the side without my old T knowing about it. The new T thinks I stopped seeing the old T. I asked the new one if I could see the old T and he said "NO! He crossed boundaries and can no longer be helpful." He thought of it as an emotional abuse. I think I like the new T, but only had 2 sessions. It takes me awhile to trust. I'm hoping to transition to this new T...not sure it'll happen though.
I honestly feel like the old T does really bring up insights like no other...that's why I'm still with him. Even if it's difficult.
Well, I guess I'm going through one of my weak phases and just needing to share the craziness of it all. How messed up does my situation sound?
poster:stellabystarlight
thread:841539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841539.html