Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2008, at 11:58:28
In reply to Re: Fighting to relationship..... again, posted by Daisym on May 10, 2008, at 0:02:23
You're right. It is an easy, and really unanswerable, shot at him. Because neither of us can deny that if I didn't pay him, I wouldn't see him.
I can believe he cares about me, but I know he wouldn't stay in touch if I didn't pay.
I was marveling again at the fight. It was amazing what a difference it makes to say "I want you to know that I am saying this in the context of caring about you very much (with obvious feeling), but I'm really angry with you right now." "You are very important to me, and I would miss you very much if I didn't see you, but I don't think you're being fair." If both statements are given equal emphasis, or maybe the caring part even more emphasis, it's amazing how much honesty can go into the second part of the statement without it being overly hurtful.
But...
There are aspects of this entire issue that I don't feel entirely free to share, because of my magical thinking and fear of the fates. Things about having changed and gotten if not all better than at least well on the road to better.
It's hard.
poster:Dinah
thread:828225
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/828678.html