Posted by Happyflower on May 8, 2008, at 16:20:03
I somehow feel different, I have had a lot of time to think about this relationship and I just keep coming to the same conclusion. It is okay to care about my T because he won't hurt me like the last one did. So I think it is safe to proceed forward, going deeper, telling the worst of the worst, stuff I haven't told anyone ever.
I just came home today from a small vacation. My family and I went to Shades State Park and we hiked on some very rugged trails. We climbed rocks, fallen tress through a creek bed that cut through some caverns. It took us 2 1/2 hours to go on this 1 mile trail! lol It was tough, but I loved it, the nature. I saw 2 American Bald Eagles! They are so graceful and beautiful.
We stayed in a cabin that had a creek running to a pond where my kids played for hours, building dams with sticks and rocks, they climbed trees, and they caught some tadpoles to bring home. IT was so nice to hear my kids laughing and having a great time. I miss my kids, my depression hasn't made me the best mother lately, so I feel like I redeemed myself somewhat this week. My husband and I actually got along too.
Then one day we went canoing down Sugar Creek. It was my kid's first time and they had a ball. We pulled over and on gravel beds and found Indian beads, beach glass, and shells. My DH taught my kids who to play horseshoes. We had a lot of good old fashion fun. YOu know what my kids said? They said they had a better time on this trip then they did going to Disney World with all the perks!
I really like who my kids are becoming, I am so proud of them. I had some good one on one time with each one, and I feel like I re bonded with my kids especially since they are now older.
We played games at night and cooked smores over a fire pit. It was incredible. But what is great is that I think I am feeling better, not so depressed. I heard myself laughing and my kids caught me smiling, and I know because they smiled back at me too. ;-)
And yet what I keep thinking... was that I never had this experience when I was a kid, ever, so it means a lot to me to do this for my kids. I think it will be a very big topic in therapy because I just didn't suffer abuse, I also didn't have the good stuff either. But yet, I am thinking I have to learn to do this stuff for myself because I will never have that parental love. I need to learn to love myself, because if I don't then who will?
poster:Happyflower
thread:827980
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/827980.html