Posted by sunnydays on April 6, 2008, at 22:10:54
lately.... just so much talk of T's and love. Nothing wrong with it, that's what the board's for. But maybe I will try to take a break. I don't have those kinds of feelings for T, but I understand the wanting something we can't have. And I see the caring my T gives to me, and I know it is real, genuine caring, and that he genuinely loves me like he has said and wants the best for me. But somehow I understand the limits of that love too. There is a part of me that doesn't want to understand, that wants him to be my father and take away the hole inside of me, wants to be a part of his family. But he's too ethical and I'm very tight in my boundaries too, despite the wants I write about here.
I was just pondering where that understanding and acceptance of the limits of the relationship comes from for me. I'm really not sure. Perhaps it's just that I've been hurt so many times that the possibility of being hurt again if I expected too much is what keeps me from genuinely wanting in reality things I can't have. But I also wonder other people's thoughts about where that feeling comes from for them. Fantasies are wonderful, and some of them have sustained me through my darkest times, but I have been pondering tonight what allows me to realize that they are just fantasies and not something either of us could act on or would really want to if all the consequences and ramifications are thought about.
Just random thoughts. I'm a little spacey tonight so I'm not sure if this came out coherent. Not sure if I'm going to take a break from Babble or not. Just been feeling very disconnected lately, and it's happening here for me too.
I don't know.
Never mind me.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:821960
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/821960.html