Posted by DAisym on April 2, 2008, at 12:27:04
In reply to Re: Your Therapist's Web Site » Fallsfall, posted by raisinb on April 2, 2008, at 9:26:32
*****I know that we won't "ride off into the sunset," and in the past year, I have come to feel that my therapy is much, much too important to turn into something romantic. I feel desire for my therapist, but at the same time, I sense in deeper parts of myself how traumatic and destructive it could be if she actually broke the boundaries****
I completely agree. I told him a while back that I would never chose a romantic relationship with him over the therapy one. And it isn't even like I think I'd ever have that choice - I'm absolutely sure that if he was going to risk it all, it wouldn't be with someone like me. (yes, it is that old, "I'm not attractive enough, or together enough, or sexy enough..." ) And we've talked about the devastation of reinforcing my deep belief that I turn good men into bad people with sex - so it would be a complete disaster. That is why I say I don't think I'm harboring any fantasies of riding off into the sunset - but is there one hidden even from myself? It is embarrassing to think it might be possible. I tend to think of myself as someone who is fairly grounded in reality and I don't live in a "it could happen" world.
I can't help but think that a lot of this is old - I'm afraid I'm going to be in trouble for loving him and for wanting his caring and concern. I can hear him asking me, "in trouble with whom?" and there are so many answers - with him, with his wife, with my mother, with God - I'm tempting the universe.
Ug - too much to think about.
poster:DAisym
thread:821049
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/821187.html