Posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 12:50:32
In reply to I'm just so mad, posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 11:55:04
I just need to keep venting. Thank goodness no one is obligated to read this. Only if you want to....
One of the things my T said to me on Monday was that I "had crossed the line." But every single time I've brought up researching her on the internet, she would make light of it, often making a joke and saying there can't be much out there on her. And I've said, "you'd be surprised how much a person like me can find" (I'm a good researcher). If it had been a problem, she had a zillion opportunities like these to say to me, "You know, [crushed], not only do I think this is not productive to your therapy, but it makes me uncomfortable and I'd really rather you not do any more internet research on me or my family."
Then if I had continued, I think her anger may have a place, and that she could tell me I crossed the line. If you never indicate to me that there's a line, then it's simply not fair to punish me for having crossed it. It's not my line. That's not where I think the line is. I happen to think anything on the internet is fair game, but if she asked me not to, I think I would have respected her request. Even if it had been difficult.
Another thing that keeps bothering me is one of the things she sort of yelled at me this week was that it was time to start talking about what this is about and not "acting out." I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HER ABOUT THIS FOR THREE YEARS. The fact that she's utterly failed to help me figure it out may be part of why I keep "acting out" because I'm still trying to understand what it is about. But suggesting I haven't been talking about it, or trying my freakin' d*mnedest to work on it, is outrageous.
poster:crushedout
thread:816351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/816359.html