Posted by crushedout on March 4, 2008, at 1:27:11
I have been avoiding babble for reasons I don't want to get into at the moment, but right now I have no where else to turn. My therapist hurt me so badly today.
Last week I confessed to her something that I had found about her on the internet, and despite three years together of us talking about stuff like this (including other stuff I have found about her on the net), I have now apparently crossed some line. But all I did was read stuff in the public domain, on the internet--I did nothing to invade her private privacy. And when I told her about it--last week--she reacted very professionally, focusing on what it meant to me and exploring why I did it.
But today, a week later, she was clearly angry at me, and she accused me of what to me are awful things: not respecting her, violating her privacy, and "bulldozing" her (whatever that means). I can totally understand her urging me to not look up the kinds of stuff I did because it interferes with my therapy but I am so upset with her for not dealing with her own feelings about how it AFFECTS HER on her own. She was practically yelling at me. I don't know how to convince you all but I did nothing wrong. And right after therapy I had to go to the hospital to see my family because my aunt almost died and now is in a coma. I just say that because I don't know how to convey what it's like when your whole world is falling down around you and the one consistent person, the one I see as my lifeline, seems to suddenly turn on you. And then you still have to go back out and face that world.
It feels like the ultimate betrayal. My own freakin' therapist.
I composed an email to her saying, "Can you please let me know when you've cooled off or worked out your feelings or whatever you need to do? because i don't want to waste another two hours round trip and $150 to get yelled at and have my feelings ignored. As you so kindly pointed out to me today [she listed my many "life problems" to me in her anger--not in an empathetic way mind you], i have enough other problems to deal with. thanks, [crushed]"
But i didn't send it. I'm so hurt and angry right now I can't bear it. Who do you turn to when your therapist lets you down?
I know I've been absent, and I have no idea what it is going on with my old babbler friends, and i am sure there are many new babblers who don't know me, but I just have no where else to turn.
please help me.
poster:crushedout
thread:816071
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/816071.html