Posted by antigua3 on February 20, 2008, at 19:51:29
In reply to *sigh* another fight--thoughts? *long, Tfighttrig*, posted by raisinb on February 19, 2008, at 12:50:20
A couple of things that came to mind when I read your post. I may be way off base, so please excuse me beforehand if I'm wrong:
1. Does this relationship mirror any you have had in the past? I'm not doubting your anger at her, but is it possible that it is also based on something in your past, certain feelings and behaviors that you experienced in the past? If so, you have come to a potentially turning point in therapy, which is really great if you both can recognize it.
2. My T will let slip a tear or two over something terrible I experienced as a child. She has learned that this upsets me for some strange reason--I feel like it's pity (even though it's compassion), but she knows now I need for her to be the stronger one. That said, I've learned to appreciate her sadness for me (I'm trying!) because it gives me a base for understanding how truly horrific some things actually were, while I have a tendency to downplay them.
So if my T weeped or burst into tears, I'd be upset because it would take me back to weakness and feeling horrible and disgusting about myself (not my interpretation of your situation at all) and we would have to do some hard talking about it.
Interestingly, if my pdoc ever cried I'd fall off the coach! He's just the opposite, and I wouldn't mind seeing a little compassion from him once in a while...
3.Only you know if her behavior is acceptable/helpful to your treatment and whether it works for you. Do you want to push through this with her, or do you think she has crossed your boundary lines and can no longer see clearly enough to help you? I've left Ts for lesser reasons, and you have a really big issue in front of you to decide. I've left Ts with different approaches either when 1)I've decided it's just not working or 2)I'm running away. The second option isn't necessarily bad; it's just that oftentimes it isn't until afterwards that I realized what I've done.
good luck,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:813598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813794.html