Posted by DAisym on February 14, 2008, at 20:38:53
In reply to So Much Pain***Trigger**, posted by antigua3 on February 14, 2008, at 17:43:01
Your words make me ache, Antigua. God you can write, girl!
I don't know what to tell you about that pain. It lives and breathes and consumes almost in an unrelenting way. There seems to be no regard for offsetting good things. Life is good - the pain flares up. Is it a necessary component of healing - more safety, more pain, work it through, start again? I don't know. But when a wave strikes like that, I think it does bore a hole in your armor - leaving you more vulnerable but more open to healing too.
I feel the same way about Church, btw. I recently had a conversation with God about suicide there. In it, I said, "you can't be mad at me for wanting to do this, since you didn't do your job either." The silent response was huge. But I wasn't struck down either. I actually felt some comfort in being able to be angry at God and yet still feel safe in Church.
I wonder what happens now, as you give birth to this little girl and let her stand on her own. Will she tell you more about what happened? Is the pain different?
I'm sure you won't pull her down, nor she, you. I hear there are good things and perhaps, as painful as this is, this will eventually be one of those also.
poster:DAisym
thread:812744
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812783.html