Posted by rskontos on February 14, 2008, at 20:33:25
In reply to Re: HUGE Step taken in Therapy today......, posted by DAisym on February 14, 2008, at 20:12:13
DAisym, Well last session I ask why he wanted to read it so badly. He said to see how the dissociation felt was. He thought it would give him additional insight. I told him some of what I had written I have already forgotten. He said he was not surprise and that is another reason. My dissociation is so bad right now he is thinking when talk I leave things out that might help him. Plus there are things in there from my first therapist. Things i have forgotten too. My dissocitive states are changing in many different ways too. We talked about that this time and last time and he would like to see that. I guess I have no expectations. I just told him that men have always taken my private thoughts and thrown them back at me. My husband, my father and even my son and that is my fear, my biggest one in giving this to him. He said don't you see that your fear is a projecting on me that you just need to do this so you can not trust me. I said well you are man so that puts in the right category. He said I mean in the content of why you are resisting me reading it. I said yes i guess but the fact is I just can't take one more person throwing up my private words to me. I just can't. He said I will never do that. I hope he means it. So that is my expectations at this point to have my actions of giving him something valuable to me, to him, and have him keep it safe.
As far as the shower, we tried to explore that, I have them getting dressed, drying my hair, it is whenever I close my eyes or have quiet moments. Even doing yoga. The memories are trying to come pretty fast now, so the xanax is slowing them down . He and I am meeting as often as we can because he said and I agree that we do not need to much time. I can keep it together right now because I can still make myself go numb and appear to function just fine. But at some point I am not sure.
Anyway, I am glad I opened the door. If I have hidden expectations at this point they are hidden from me too.
Thanks so much for the response. How are you. I have been worried.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:812708
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812782.html