Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 12:16:11
In reply to Re: thoughts on this?, posted by raisinb on January 19, 2008, at 11:24:06
I *totally* get that.
I've often thought the reason that my therapist is so perfect for me is not his brilliant insights. It's more that he lets me figure stuff out for myself. He suggests things, and indirectly leads me. But he lets me have the aha moments myself.
It may be a control issue, but I'm thinking it's more a patience issue. My therapist is very patient and lets me change in my own time. I don't know if he's that way with everyone, or if he just knows that it's the best way to work with me.
I suspect it's the latter. I remember a period after a lot of fighting where the fighting seemed to stop. I asked him about it maybe a year or so later, and he said that he just came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to change until he accepted me just as I was. So he worked on accepting and let me work on change.
I can be led or coaxed into change. I'll do things for love that I'd never do for myself. But if I'm driven, I'll dig in my heels and hold firm. I suppose that's a less than admirable trait in me. At least in some situations, such as when someone's trying to help me. In other situations it's a useful adaptive trait. If I were perfectly adjusted, I suppose I'd think each time which response is appropriate.
The funny thing is that after all this time I'm now starting to remind him of some of the stuff he said to me years ago, and find wisdom in it. While when he first proposed it, I snorted and scoffed.
Can you bring your last post in and read it? Or parts of it?
poster:Dinah
thread:807581
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/807632.html