Posted by muffled on January 15, 2008, at 1:14:38
In reply to Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran, posted by happyflower on January 14, 2008, at 22:35:01
> All I know is that being on the boards, were mostly supportive when I had my transference issues,
*:-)
>but I also allowed it to fed into the over importance of the T. I think this is something I learned from here, and I jumped on the wagon and started to want my T to be something he couldn't be.
*I'm not sure how we did that? I'm sorry if I did anything hurtful.
I think at times we tried to turn you away from T somewhat, but then you were always kidding and joking and making light of it all. I think we just tried to be supportive of you :-(
And also DID your oldT help you initially on your therapy journey? I'm sorry it went so badly in the end :-( But you were strong and I admire that. And I am glad you were able to find a T that feels safe to you.
I am not ashamed to say there have been times when my T has been HUGE in my life. HUGE. Cuz I walk a scarey path alone, and she try and walk it with me. I never let noone DO that before. Yeah, she was HUGE in my life. I still care bout her plenty too. So I think its not always bad this T thing. Yeah, goes wrong sometimes, but goes right sometimes too.
> Now that I am in therapy with a very caring T, but who has very defined boundaries, I don't miss him on vacations, he has had 2 already, and I see him nnweekly.*I am weekly too. I do much better w/vacations. Still miss her though. My T. My ikids kinda get a little lost cuz they don't trust me. But I doing better w/that :-)
>We deal with the therapeutic relationship if there is a misunderstanding, but he doesn't pretend to be my father, lover, child or anything else but my T, the relationship isn't or main focus.
*Not our main focus either. But its THERE. LOL! My T mostly into CBT. But the 'relationship' is considered very important, cuz w/o trust, how could I speak? And w/o conflict and testing, how could I know she trustworthy? I could not just accept that the lady sitting in front of me wasn't gonna 'get me' somehow. I could not feel safe. This took some time. Ikids still get frightened of her sometimes if she moves the wrong way. But it passes quick now, cuz we mostly trust her. I don't know how I could develop trust in any other way? My T was willing to meet me where I was at.
>I rarely think of him outside of therapy, I am thinking about me and what I need to do to recover, not overanaylizing every move and word my T does.
*I dunno if the correct term is overanalyzing, but perhaps 'personalization'? Where we, despite ourselves, take stuff upon ourselves, right or wrong. I think of my T lots outside therapy. She makes me feel safer. If I ever go in the hosp. I know she will advocate for me. If I was lying in a pool of puke in the gutter and I didn't know who else to call, she would help me seek help. So yeah, I think of her. Also, alot of who we perceive we are, is 'reflected' in our interactions w/others. My interaction w/T involves deep stuff, so how she reflects back to me is HUGE to me....
I am glad you have made so much progress thru therapy HF. Seems its that way. Slooooooooooooooooooooooooow, then allasudden AHA! :-) And everything in btwn.
>There is a huge difference now. I have made more progress in 5 months than I have in 2 1/2 years of therapy. The difference is my main problem isn't within the therapy relationship.*MY main prob is not the therapy relationship, but the therapy relationship is EXTREEMLY important to me...if that makes sense? I am learning from my safe T relationship, so its a GOOD, if sometimes hard thing. But more good than bad I'd say. Mostly I get confused, cuz I don't understand about allowing others close. Way freaky!
> I think on Babble boards there contains a "special" group of people who are unique to therapy itself.
*LOL! I am special???!!! Yayyyy! :-)
Well, I dunno, but us longer term T people, we mostly pretty accepting? Mostly alla babble is accepting, but sometimes its not. But I guess thats life.
However my T's style of therapy is not unique, I think its also called maybe? person centered? I'm not sure....but its not unique therapy method. And I see alot of info out there that stresses that the T relationship is very important.>A lot of people don't think about therapy so much, aren't on message boards, and they still progress, but I wonder if makes one less dependent on the T and the importance of the future of the relationship.
*But see for me...I have NEVER depended on others. Never allowed myself to lean on others....so for me to allow some sense of dependence, is freaky, but healthy.
I think its all goto do with the client, the issues they have and their way of dealing with stuff. So whats good for one, may not be good for another.>I believe for me, babble taught me how to be dependent on my old T and to analyze every aspect of what happens in the therapy hour.
*Sometimes I do that, sometimes I don't. I think that this is what we tend to see lots of on the psych board, cuz it IS the psych board....!!! We don't see me helping at school, etc and being so very well adjusted....I don't need to be validated for that, I get validation from other parents. But I can come here to babble, and people make me feel OK bout how I feel bout therapy, cuz I can't exactly shout it in the halls of the school. I don't care, but it would affect my kids. I think I tend to talk here more about negative therapy stuff, cuz I get validated here. I try to remember to say goodstuff too though...
So what a person sees here on the babble boards is just a pretty narrow slice of each persons lives....>Now I tend to do that less, but yet I spend about 75% less time here now. Maybe it is just a coincidence.
*Maybe you have outgrown babble? Quite possibly that is so? Or maybe there is a board that would fit you better? What is it you want from babble? Social, learn about meds ? There are many boards, and if psych upsets you, maybe another will fit better?
I have always enjoyed your sense of fun HF.
But here agian, the failure of the written word :-( I may have misread your humour :-( I am sorry if so.
I wish you well HF.
And for all that babble is challenging at times, its proly good to learn stuff here for being at T!! :-)
M
poster:muffled
thread:806142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/806618.html