Posted by muffled on January 15, 2008, at 0:23:52
In reply to Re: OK OK OK, we have misunderstanding., posted by star008 on January 15, 2008, at 0:01:30
>Please understand that some of us have never let anyone get close to us..
*AH! Duh, thats IT Star! I have never ever said much bout myself EVER, to ANYbody. It was SO HUGE to say anything to T. To let her see inside me. My 'prime directive' of life (yeah...star treck!!!LOL) was to HIDE at all costs myself.
I still find it VERY hard to talk about myself, even in T. I am ashamed of so many things. My ikids like my T. I am doing as well as I am due to my T's everlasting patience, which I still worry will run out!!! I still worry bout allowing attachment, but T says we attach in life to others. She say its not a bad thing, but a good thing. I have to learn that I won't necessarily get rejected if people 'see' me. Its is so important that she took such time and caring, that she bent over backwards to try and help me to trust her. She is a good person I beleive. She's got a good heart. And she has seen some of whats inside me, and she hasn't rejected me. She just keeps treating me the same. I find it all so confusing. Inexplicable. WHY does she not look upon me with disgust? But she doesn't. I think I starting to beleive her. She says I NOT gross, that its lies. But its all I have ever known. Its hard to understand so much.
*I* am not attached to my T, not at all, I think its not necessary...but my Ikids are......and they the ones who need help....
Its all so hard.
But I am thankful that I feel I am making progress.
I am thankful to my T.
I think she is good at what she does. Not perfect, she says that herself. But for me, she has done good.
I care bout my T, she cares bout me.
And someone posted bout dinner. I LIKED that. One day I will have my T and her family to supper at my clean organized house. NOW that will be nice! Makes me smile it does! :-)
Thanks for making me think star, you do that alot! ;-)
M
poster:muffled
thread:806142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/806610.html