Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 23:44:47
In reply to Re: Any ideas what this might mean/possible trigge, posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 22:40:37
> Yes, I think so although parts of what I wrote I had to re-read to make sure.....I was mostly there......
+ I not much of an expert for sure, but to me it seems a GOOD thing that you aere mostly there...
> Who is observing and knowing there is a teen starting fight with your son?
> ** Adult me is in the background, which I can do some but can't control or take back control I can only observe. Mostly like from far far far away. I am only remotely aware. If that makes sense. I used to not know. ONly lately do I know.+WOW, now to me that seems HUGE. That you can know more of the time. I think thats goto be good. I am fortunate, I'm not sure that i actually lose time, but sometimes I just seem to allasudden realize I haven't been me and my behaviour may have been a bit 'off'. I think I notice it when others maybe look at me funny or something, and boom, its me, and I goto joke around and try and make it like I was just goofing around. I dunno if other people even notice? Proly do maybe a bit kinda wonder :(
So take heart, I think you are making PROGRESS!
>
> Can the parts talk together at all?
> *No not yet but I try. I can listen mostly. but adult me can't always remember.*well I dunno wassup w/them interacting myself either anyhow.
> How do you communicate?
> **Afterwards, if I was able to remotely stay I heard was happened. the one that used to be boss I went away completely when she was in charge. She was smart and she was in charge. maybe that is why. If I stay then she doesn't come. I don't know right now.*Its OK. They don't dissaapear. She can come back. Sometime my peeps are just....GONE...it weird. But they always come back, so I don't worry too much when that happens.
> See for me it is FAR easier to try and relax and empty my mind, and then I do it on the computer. I think the others are fairly aware there's others, but oddly they speak thru me somehow. I don't really understand.
> **Yes some of mine oddly speak through me.... but not all. Some I go away completely and don't know anything and lose time and just wake up. That happened with T twice and happens all the time other places. Lately the one I don't like that takes over I can stay and she talks through me(good way to describe it ) but I can't control what she says.+I really don't think I lose time, if I do, it must be very short, or else they are filling each other in on whats happeneing, I honestly don't know. I am grateful i don't do the full switch. But again, that seems wonderful that that part is willing to speak thru you rather than switch! It really seems like you ARE getting there.
> But anyhow, I wonder if you could figger who the 'main you' is, and if maybe this 'main you' can, if not be the boss, maybe it can be the 'coordinator' of communication?
> Just a thot.
> **This is a good thought and what I am suppose to figure out how. This is hard.+Well, FWIW....I dunno who the 'main me' truly is either....It IS very confusing, cuz even people who are not 'split' can behave very differently in diff situations. So how are we to know, if the 'me', is a variation of the same adult, or someone else, or WHAT. I have a way of being, where I am in 'reality mode', and there is a DIFFERENT me AGAIN. Its an adult, it seems real, it has some memories. So WHO is ME? Is the me, that is primarily here...just a dissociative part? Is the 'realilty me' the actual me? I dunno. So don't feel too bad. I dunno these things, but I get by OK.
> I am going to try to do your writing thing which is something T told me to do too but to also answer them back in writing when I notice something they write. she says it is not uncommon while I am writing that they might add stuff. that switching can occur that fast. This is why I am sharing so much of it now. It is my journal of what is going on. And I print it and add it to my journal. I might show her one day.
+ I REALLY hope you can show your T some of your writings, I think it helps them to better understand us.
Thats the other thing I find VERY confusing in my situation. Is this fast 'switching' thing. I don't acxtually switch...I dunno WTF it is I do, but one time, in a short phone call to T, I figgered it after, cuz I remembered it all, and there was adult me, toughie AND Ikid in one call. One after another. See it was adult that phoned T( she did it for Ikid), but then T hooked in Ikid by talking bout snow, then Toughie realized it was Ikid and wanted to shut her down so T wouldn't notice, so just said 'OK' in a final sort of way to indidcate the call was over, and I can't remember who ended the call. But thats how fast it was...
> PS. On the way home from picking up my son, teen came out and my son says here we go again with this behavior. He recognized I was different and I could feel her, I think she likes to be around him too. He plays the right music etc. Except when he is in a bad mood. Then they will fight. Today though he was in a good mood and things went ok. I don't know, I just felt the change and when I came back my head hurt. I know when I am back. Man this is confusing.+TOTALLY confusing! Give yourself a break.
Is your son aware of the fact you are struggling? Can you as a dult speak to him a bit about it? To reassure him, and tell him you are doing your very best? Or mebbe he could talk to T and she could explain just a bit? Or mebbe he knows.
Teens are tough at best...
I am NOT looking forward to my kids being teens!
Take good care RSK.
I hope nothing I say upsets you. Please let me know if it does, I don't mind at all. I just am trying to explain how it is with me, in the hopes that maybe it can help you somehow.
Take care,
M
poster:muffled
thread:799313
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799449.html