Posted by Racer on December 7, 2007, at 14:03:08
In reply to I think my therapist dislikes my mother more than, posted by Dinah on December 6, 2007, at 11:15:42
My therapist used to spend a good deal of time pointing out my mother's -- um -- less engaging characteristics, and it upset me, too. I'd be in the middle of crying over something that had happened, or repeating some of the self-talk that I learned at Mother's knee, and my T would stop me to say, "Get ANGRY!" or "Can't you see how narcissistic that was?" Of course, then I'd come racing to the defense, Racer with a Flaming Sword to defend Magical Mother.
One day, my T *finally* caught on: "I wonder if your mother did that out of fear?" Um, yeah -- that's largely what I'd been trying to say for two years...
It's funny -- even though I could see what my T was trying to do, help me get past my guilt at being angry with my mother, since I can't connect to that anger at all -- not even to acknowledge to myself that it's there in the first place -- and even though I know that my T is right about my needing to access that anger, I *still* go into defense mode every time anyone says anything unflattering about my mother. Sometimes, I get frustrated with myself, because even as I acknowledge that my T is dead on accurate about what she's saying, I *still* jump in with that defense.
I think it's partly a sort of natural instinct -- "defend members of the tribe" -- and partly a sort of effort to gain Mother's approval, even if Mother isn't present. But, I could be wrong.
All I know is this: I can say bad things about my mother, but saints preserve anyone who says bad things about her to me! It could be that your therapist is trying to help you access anger you're not acknowledging, or it could be that something has triggered some counter-transference. Or, something else altogether might be involved.
But you're not alone in that sort of reaction, by any means. I hope you've found some sense in my words, because my brain hurts today. I think it'll have to come out...
poster:Racer
thread:799113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799346.html