Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2007, at 10:28:05
In reply to Feeling really bad after T........., posted by rskontos on November 9, 2007, at 11:32:08
The important thing is to make sure you're safe and your son is safe. I know how frustrating it can be to deal with someone whose brain is not yet fully mature. (In my case it's my dog. My son is probably has a more mature brain than I do.) I find it helps to remember that they're doing their job, so to speak. I'm not sure how old your son is, but there are distinct phases that might be annoying to us, but are necessary to them. My puppy seems to be going through a stage of insecure attachment that has him demanding and clingy. It's driving me nuts, but it helps if I keep in mind what's going on.
I also find with my son that we sometimes get into a negative behavior loop. And that when we do, the best thing I can do is to go up to him when we're quiet and say something like "It seems like we're not getting along too well right now. Maybe each of us feels that the other is angry, and we're acting based on that? I really love you and am proud of you, and I'd like us to step back and try again. Would that be ok with you?" It works miracles with my admittedly self reflective son.
If your son is really having problems, either with his own anger, or maybe by being afraid of changes in you, maybe it's best to get him his own therapist? His therapist might bring the family into sessions as well. It's never too early to start doing our best to see that our issues end with our generation.
Good luck, and if you get too angry with him, find someone to watch the kids and take a break. Or ask for help.
poster:Dinah
thread:794096
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/794259.html