Posted by RealMe on October 12, 2007, at 21:43:16
In reply to Re: Thanks and I am still laughing, posted by rskontos on October 12, 2007, at 11:48:38
Well, yes I see your point. I was laughing, and so when he started laughing and shaking his head, I knew he could identify with what I was going through. And I said, "what?" "So I know it is silly to decide I would rather be dead than be embarrassed." I think he saw himself in handling things that way and realized just then how absurd. Of course I would rather not be dead, and neither would he, but the actions convey that message.
Well I have been seeing this T since the first of May, and so it has not been that long. I had a really good therapist years ago and one that really did not know how to do therapy just before this T. So, yes and no that I can have lighter sessions. To a certain extent they are avoidance, but he pointed out to me that he views it as me feeling more comfortable with him which is true. Being angry was my way of pushing him away because I am not comfortable at all with emotional closeness. It scares the hell out of me.
So, my T said something today about his sense that I am feeling more comfortable with him, and I agreed but said now I just feel sad which is true--sad and lonely. The child part in me is more there for me to feel her feelings with him, and I don't really want to. It is too painful. I may have made everyone part of me years ago, but I have avoided the feelings. The angry part of me is from my teens too. Sometimes I think I would rather they were still seperate entities. But now to deal with the feelings which I avoided before.
Problem is that feeling closer to someone emotionally then leads to sexual feelings as this was the only way to have "closeness." Of course it was not really closeness. In therapy today, I started to sob from the deepest core of me, and now just sadness.
I have some physical stuff going on right now too, and that always leaves me feeling vulnerable. This therapy is an up and down process for a time. You could have a "light" session I suppose if you decided ahead of time to talk about some of the funniest experiences in your life that you recall. We all have something. Don't make it all so serious or therapy will start to feel abusive too. Tell T if nothing else that you need some lighter sessions and why. I will keep in touch. And thanks for your response.
RealMe
poster:RealMe
thread:788193
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/788852.html