Posted by purplemyth on October 5, 2007, at 21:57:46
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ? » JoniS, posted by red house on September 28, 2007, at 14:02:52
I actually just googled my T a little while ago, which is why I ended up on this post tonight I guess. I googled her a long time ago, when our relationship was still building. I got her kids and husbands name, vacation house, a random qoute, some charities she donates to, affiliation, and that she ran a marathon. The charity bothers me for some reason, as did the marathon (luckily i found out inderctly that she doesnt like running, which leads me to believe that she was in a fund raising race or something, which bothers me too). I have a close relationship with her now, and in the the past I was able to tell her that I researched her and wasnt sure how she would respond. She smiled, and was interested why I did this and what I found, which was surprising and made me feel good. I dont think I told her what I found, but I was able to say that i didnt want to tell her because it may make things cloudy or her or me uncomfortable. I had a great past 2 sessions where we really connected. Today I felt a little sad, so I thought just googling her to see if there is any stupid little update at the school she supervises at, would help me feel connected and like she was with me a bit. I found something new which surprised me. It was part of her clinical/professional world, and it was a brouchure for a conference in one month where she will speaking with two others about countertransference and payment from clients. This upset me at first because I often get mad about the amount she charge or feel like its too much or she doesnt like me enough. The description said something about how some analysts who are fependent on their clients coming it for treatment, "coast" with their client. meaning (even if they arent aware), that they are continuing to see clients even when improvement is not being made and therapy is stale for a while. Luckily, I really feel as though that is not her issue at all. but it bothers me that her conference is about money, and I also wondered why the secription didnt include how clients feel about the amount they are being charge and those issues and how money can taint things (unless examined/dealth with). I think I am going to tell her that I know about this, and the charity, and her family, and the run. I feel safe enough now with her to do so and she seemed interesting...I just need to get past the embarrassment. I guess you inspired me to want to tell her, and hope you will be able to or have already. And yea, I would love to know how it goes! And I just want to add, that I am very sleepy and about to go to bed, so i hope there were not too many typos and that it makes sense for the most part :)
> thanks, joni. i will let you all know what happens -- i will probably need the support. my session is not until next week, so i've had a long time to stew over it. i ended up leaving a message for my T so as to kind of force myself to tell her when i go in because it's just been eating me up.
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> i agree with you that the internet is public domain and that it shouldn't be a problem. but, i kind of went beyond googling this time and found something through a news database. still public information, for sure, but a little harder to come by than google. i definitely think this crosses the line, and certainly the information i discovered is something i really wish i didn't know. but you can't really unknow something, so, i'm kind of stuck . . .
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> my T's generally really great about finding the good, even when i've been bad, but i think i definitely crossed the line this time. i'm scared it's going to be very hard to repair. it's already consumed a lot of my energy with worry and fear.
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> thanks for your support.
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> redhouse
poster:purplemyth
thread:785395
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/787161.html