Posted by JoniS on October 1, 2007, at 13:59:17
In reply to Re: Why people goto have sex atall?, posted by muffled on September 28, 2007, at 19:48:51
Ok Muffled,
Since you posted this subject, it makes me think you do want to dig into it. (or at least you did that day, you may not now - lol!) So I will persist.
I totally understand that everyone is different and we don't all feel the same about sex and everything else. But, since you did bring it up and you did say you felt bad for your hubby, I suspect that you would like to work on that area, someday. I jsut wonder, not that I am asking for details, but I'm wondering if you happen to know the reason that you feel that way:
"...I think I tend to view sex as an act, a physical act. Its done with urgency to reach the fufillment. It can be hurtful and dominating. It is a physical invasion. It can be intimidating by virtue of the power, of the urgency. Maybe there's good sex out there....but to me there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much bad bout it. People getting hurt by it. Directly or indirectly. Sure, nothing wrong w/getting your rocks off I suppose, but there is SO much that is frightening about it"
I am sorry that it seems frighful and hurtful and an invasion for you, but those things are not normal. ... Well except for maybe the first time or 2 but that's not your situation (I assume because you have kids).
For me, sometimes it is just a physical act. And, if I let my husband have sex when I have no desire to, it is an invasion. So, therapy has helped me to be able to say "not now" to my husband, instead of giving in to appease him. As far as pain, I know that some people have pain with it, but there are things that can be done to take that away as well. Sometimes for me it is a very loving connection, and I don't feel I have to hurry, I can tell my H what I want. Sometimes (like most of the last few years) I dissociate in that my mind is with someone other than my H, but he doesn't know that. I feel a little guilty about that, but it's what I need right now. One other thing, sometimes, when I get to be the persuer, me seeking it out and me sort of in charge - how when where, I get a lot of satisfaction from that.
Anyway, if you're fine with where you are, I respect that. But if you believe your case is hopeless or incurable, I don't. I think if you find good help, things could change.
Sorry so long, and sorry if I've intruded too far with this. It's hard for me to understand.
Be happy!
ps thanks for asking how I'm doing. I guess I'm pretty good - for this week! lol!
poster:JoniS
thread:785464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786279.html