Posted by jammerlich on August 1, 2007, at 8:38:29
In reply to ((((((((((((((Jammer)))))))))))))))), posted by muffled on July 31, 2007, at 21:56:14
She didn't say a lot. She said she has held the boundaries firmer than when I saw her the first time. I'm glad she admitted to it. I've felt it since day one of going back to her and I think it probably has a lot to do with why I feel pushed away. It's really painful to go backwards like that. If you ask me, as soon as I came back, she should have been very clear about how things would be different. I can't say for sure what I'd have done; but, I think that's something that should have been out in the open.
I'm not sure where it fit in with everything (probably w/ the firmer boundaries), but she also brought up some of her memories of when I saw her the first time. She said she remembered sitting with me on the sofa and how I wanted her to put her hand on my shoulder. If true that I asked her to sit with me, and she did a whole lot of the time; but, there were times when SHE offered, too. I wonder if she remembers that? As far as the hand on the shoulder thing, that was all her. As I told her yesterday, "I never asked you to do that." And I didn't. I'm so confident of that, I'd bet everything I own on it. It's something I remember very distinctly because I thought it was a "real" and human thing to do and I appreciated the respect she showed in asking before she did it. It's been a warm memory for me. But now, she sees it as something I asked for that was a bad thing, and it's turned into something ugly. And I feel angry that she doesn't remember who did what.
A couple of other things I remember.... She said my calling hasn't been out of line. I pretty much knew that and it really wasn't the point. I'm not so concerned about the now. It's more about would happen if I went deeper. She also said the place I work on those issues should feel safe and comfortable to me.
All in all, she really didn't say much and I think she didn't want to. It seemed like she was choosing her words very, very carefully. She asked if I needed to be "done with it" right then. I said, ideally I'd like to know; but, if she needed time to think, I wanted her to have it. She said she did and that she didn't want to flip flop on me. So, I'll find out at my appt. tomorrow. I just don't feel very hopeful though. And the tears have been pretty constant since I left her office yesterday.
This hurts so very much.
poster:jammerlich
thread:773092
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/773245.html