Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 26, 2007, at 14:04:11
In reply to Re: I finally called my pdoc + T. big **triggers**, posted by Dinah on July 26, 2007, at 11:25:29
> I'm so sorry, Llurpsie. My mother (I think - I've blanked out the face in my memory) did a similar thing to me when I was a teen, and I still remember it, and it still influences me today.
>
> I can understand if he can't handle it, my husband can't either and I keep it from him and never rely on him to help me, but I don't understand his doing something so destructive.me neither. it felt like anti-love :'(
like he was giving up on me and our future together.All I can think of is that sometimes that approach is shown on TV as a good thing (there was a MASH episode like that) and he might have internalized that message.
>We talked a while back about pseudoname together. I was close to pseudo and I understood where he was when he committed suicide, to the extent that any of us can understand another's mind? Or maybe I just fancy myself more astute than I actually am. I digress. Living wills and things aside, it sounded like he wanted to skip all of that and just get it over with. He's kind of compulsive like that.
> He loves you and he's scared and it's coming out as anger, I would guess. I'm not excusing him. There is no excuse really. And he really should be willing to talk to someone to find out how to be helpful or at least not make things worse. :(
he even said "I wish I had someone to talk to about this". But he HATES the institution of psychology, therapy, psychiatry, mental health. all of it. HATES it. I grudgingly got him to agree to go to marriage counseling if it would help US, but "therapy will NEVER NEVER help him" 'cause his way is better than any stupid advice from a therapist. This discussion has been going on for about 5 years, by the way. I made the mistake of asking him to see T at school when he had insomnia.
>
> I'm glad you called your therapist and pdoc though. I hope they can help. In fact, I'm sure they can. Medication changes can be very destabilizing, but once you get past that the worst feelings will go away.XXXXX those are my 10 fingers crossed. I feel like a lab rat. anticipating my "experiment" tomorrow. Hate this feeling. but I made a list of stuff that I want pdoc to know, and a list of stuff that would make me feel better. #1 on that list is including my opinion in my treatment plan. I *have* been observing myself for sometime now. I know how I feel better than new pdoc can glean from any chart, any conversation with my old pdoc.
(((((old pdoc)))))-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:772078
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/772128.html