Posted by Honore on June 26, 2007, at 9:43:25
In reply to Re: But I'm OK now... » DAisym, posted by Fallsfall on June 26, 2007, at 7:33:14
Your T is right about the struggle-- that it's to accept and feel trusting of your needs, and his ability to meet them. Trying to force yourself, somehow, to be less needy never works-- it's like fighting against the tides.
Fighting to reduce one's needs is a losing battle, and a self-hurtful one It's not so much needs that are frightening, per se-- it's the fear of what happens when those around us don't meet them, and even make them seem wrong-- overwhelming, irrelevant, stupid.
People can be destructive when they can't meet our needs-- either out of their own guilt, or annoyance, or lack of ability to give. Don't listen to the voice that says your needs are massive, because it's not really your voice-- it's the voice of others who don't want to or can't respond-- it's a way of saying, my non=response is good; your needs are what's wrong.
Accepting needs is necessary before you can find ways to get them met-- not conscious acceptance, but unconscious. I'm sure you've done a lot along that line, without even knowing it.I always pick the wrong people-- and I'm trying to learn that it's better to get some real needs met by someone who isn't my ideal, or isn't so "wonderful" than to hang around the "wonderful" people who ignore me, and don't have time or energy to give me even the time of day.
Needs have always been terribly hard for me-- because I was always told that I was "very needy" and that I needed too much "attention"-- so I came to hate myself for being that kind of person.-- I still haven't come to that point of acceptance and hope about getting a lot of them met. But at least I've accepted my need for my T, and his being there-- I don't think I'm destroying him with my needs, because doing what he's doing meets his needs too-- he really wants to give me what he gives me, which is something that matters and is good for me. Which is why it works, despite sometimes having conflicts and disappointments.
This might be a momentary retreat, the wanting to get rid of your needs, but you'll come back to the good fight your T mentioned, I know.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:765069
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/765882.html