Posted by DAisym on June 17, 2007, at 17:27:15
In reply to Re: what is the point of therapy? » DAisym, posted by Dory on June 16, 2007, at 18:44:45
*****Is therapy more effective in a more stable environment? It would seem so, but then, it also seeems almost silly to say my life is too messed up for therapy.
I think this is likely true, but for me, I was living in an abusive marriage and really couldn't see it, although I was so unhappy... Therapy helped me to first figure out what was really going on and then to figure out what I wanted to do about it. My therapist never said, "you have to leave before we can do real work" -- or anything like it. He started with helping me trust (a little more anyways) my own perceptions and gave me confidence that it was OK to want it to be different. I went in pretty much thinking I would learn how to tolerate it better, since I always had. Instead I learned that I could change things.****i do know the goal is not to make him care... but i need him to if anything is going to happen.
Yes. I needed this too.****With my own history of how i got the issues i have, i know i need certain things.. and one of them is that i need him to give me evidence or cues that he cares in some way. It could just be recognition or validation... but actual outright caring statements would be so impacting. i am reminded of your T saying he would miss you should you die, or any of the other like statements. WIth my past, and hell, even my present, it would be earth shattering for him to indicate that i was worth caring about or missing.
I think my therapist figured out that I needed him to be overt with his caring but he didn't offer these kinds of statements right away. We built up to it. It is a balancing game because too much caring would have sent me running. I end up wondering what the price will be down the road. (I still worry about that kind of thing every once in a while.) But it took some honesty on my part too. Like you said, you know what you need. As foolish as I felt (and still feel!) I started to reach out and ask questions about his caring, so that I would really know.
No doubt about it -- the therapy relationship is just darn hard!
poster:DAisym
thread:763401
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/763762.html