Posted by wishingstar on June 10, 2007, at 10:37:28
In reply to Re: new T report » wishingstar, posted by Dory on June 9, 2007, at 18:59:28
dory, thanks for asking.
I posted something about it in the thread above but I'm not sure how much I posted, so sorry if this is a repeat..
I went and saw her and her parents about two weeks ago. Her mom was angry but managable. Her dad yelled at me, called me incompetent, criminal, "dont you know anything about teenagers or your job" etc. I tried to validate his feelings but stood my ground pretty well. I truly had no choice legally but to call CPS, regardless of what they say.
Luckily, I'd taken a xanax before all this. I very rarely take it, but I'm glad I did. I was still panicing inside, but I think it's the xanax that let me respond well externally.
Then I saw the girl. She avoided me at school (where I usually get her) but I went to her home and found her there. She agreed to walk around the block with me (I was actually surprised by this) and told me, quite angrily, why she was so mad. Felt like we just passed her off because we didnt want to deal with her, that we arent doing out job, feels betrayed, etc. I validated her feelings the best I could and layed out for her why I did what I did and the position that I had been put in, but she didnt really hear it I dont think. I really felt that it was promising that she talked to me though.
Well, the other clinician went out a few days later and the kid is not so mad at her, so shes talking to her. Basically, that clinician feels like it'll be more useful, since we only have 3 months left with this kid, for her to just work directly with her. She advised me to call and give the kid the option of whether she wanted to keep seeing me, as even a week later we could tell she wasnt going to lessen her anger any time soon. She chose not to. So I'm not seeing her any more. But shes talking to the other clinician, so she hasnt shut down ocmpletely.. so I guess I'm okay with that. The other clinician says I've become the scapegoat for the anger for this situation (because the other clinician was in on the CPS call too) and if that's really true, then I'm okay with that.
I'm struggling a lot with the idea behind therapy right now. That I get to hurt her and betray her trust to badly and then just walk away saying "well, thats my job, on to the next case". I dont want that kind of power and I definitely dont want the ability to just hide behind the professionalism and walk away from these things like it doesnt matter to me. It just feels wrong. I truly do care about this girl and I KNOW she feels like I dont. If I did, how could I just walk away, right? I know that's how I'd feel. Externally, while working with her, I did keep the boundaries and professionalism up... I'm not someone with super tight boundaries in this job, but I did keep the counselors hat on. I had to. But the truth is, she is the kid that has been most important to me of all my clients so far. This situation is particular has taught me a lot about my own therapy. It's interesting to be on the other side of the couch. Even though it seems to obvious to her that I dont care because of my actions, I really do... and I think maybe that happens more than I (we?) realize with our own therapists.
I'm going to talk to Laurie in a few days about this. I think I'll make a post about it below.
poster:wishingstar
thread:761628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/762154.html