Posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 20:39:26
I hold so much tension in my body - my shoulders have been sore all day today because there's so much tension in them. I'm going to try to mention it to my T. Unfortunately a lot of relaxation techniques if they are quiet tend to make me more anxious and tense, not less.
My T and I were talking last time about some stuff we had never bumped into before (that's how he put it, and I like that phrasing - it makes me feel like we're walking together through my head and just bump into stuff). Stuff about how I feel guilty for being born (don't comment on that, please, because I know that I don't need to feel guilty, but I do, and so that's something T and I are working on). And I was feeling really little at one point, and I commented that I was feeling farther away, and he said, "How old do you feel right now?" I said, "I don't know," because I'm not very good with ages. Then he asked me, "Are you feeling little?" When I nodded, he said, "Yeah, your voice sounds kind of like a little girl voice."
At one point I was going away, and he said my name, just my name, but the tone was wrong and it scared me. I almost screamed, I clapped my hand over my mouth, and I would have cried if I hadn't been so scared. He was very reassuring that I didn't do anything wrong and that I was ok and that it was just a memory because of where I was at at the time that I reacted like that. And that it was just that because I was in that little girl spot, and his tone just wasn't quite right that it was just a trigger.
It's so weird though to think that I could react so strongly to something as simple as him saying my name in a slightly louder voice than he had been talking before. It was just to get my attention so I wouldn't go away. Why is this so hard? That reaction was so strong and it came out of nowhere.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:761726
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761726.html