Posted by Happyflower on May 31, 2007, at 7:48:10
Or should I say emotional? Same thing for me. I know I haven't responded to my above posts, but I read them again today.
I saw my T yesterday morning at the gym. I haven't been there in 2 weeks, and thought I would work out a bit before my physical therapy to loosen up a bit. It was so hard to see him. He looked so good and I felt and looked like crap.
He did look at me and did his salute that he sometimes does, and I waved and tried to smile, but it was kinda forced.I guess part of me, and I did mention this in therapy last week, is that I feel like I am disapointing him because I am not doing well. I know he takes so much pride in helping me, he said once "I did a damn good job with you". But now I am struggling and I feel like he might see it as a reflection of his abilities or something, so I kinda feel guilty for not doing so well. I am sure some of this is my depression speaking. We didn't go into this last week, because so much else was said that was more important, but I am sure he put that idea "on hold" for now.
I just am feeling so weak right now physically. They deceided they needed to be more aggressive with my physical therapy since I am in a very long platau. I am hurting so much, and it is so hard to do the things I love to do. So it makes sense I would be depressed, right? I feel bad physically and I can't be me. Like Gazo said, it sucks donkey butt.
Then this weekend my DH brother had a heart attack, and all weekend we were wondering if we would have to take a long road trip there. Well I am so far behind in laundry, and I just can't do stuff, it was very over whelming thinking about it. He is having open heart surgury, but in 2 months when the damaged part hardens so they can cut it off and do a triple bypass. This had my DH in a bad mood, it is his younger brother, and he doesn't handle stress very well. So that is on my mind. My DH just started to help me out more after last week I told him I am depressed, but now he is in his own world again, which i kinda understand.
So I don't know I feel like my life has been a sh*t sandwich and still is, regardless of what my T says. I know that not all my life sucks, but a lot of it does. Is it a blanket statement saying that when 80% sucks? My T would say well what about the other 20% (not in those terms), and yeah, I can't say my life sucks totally. LOL I should say , yeah, my like USUALLY sucks. Like me telling my T that he is always right, and he says not always, but ususally. It was a joke I know, but can I say my life sucks? Okay, never mind all of this rambling. I can't stop my fingers, they keep going and going.
Well I need to take a shower and get ready. I just don't know what to say today with him. I guess that scares me, it is an open book kinda of session maybe. I am letting him lead, because I can't do it. Maybe that is a good thing? I don't know. If you have read all of this , thanks for listening.
poster:Happyflower
thread:760507
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760507.html