Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 8, 2007, at 16:30:55
So... I have this little problem. I am not in touch with the connection between somatic feelings and psychological states.
For me, the somatic feelings seem to come out of nowhere, and they beg to be medicated. Bad feelings, you see?
So I send poor pdoc a goofy e-mail with a question about something which could be a real side effect, but I'm just not sure.
Response is that it could be a side effect- reduce dosage of one of my meds.
But the response didn't end there. After I read the rest of the response, I felt very upset
felt chastised that I was once again turning a psychological state into a somatic state and asking for some medication to make it all better
felt like he didn't really care about my side effect. hell, I don't know if it's serious or not. That's why I asked him
felt like I wasn't working hard enough in therapy to identify the source of my feelings. ouch
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so talked about this with T. I've always known that the way to get love (or at least affectionate attention) in my family was to be injured or sick. That since I've been in charge of myself for so long, unable to rely on an adult to notice when things aren't going well for me, that I've become more vigilant than most people about my health, or at least the somatic feelings that feel yucky.
Prior to T I had sent back a rather snotty e-mail to pdoc. Then after T I regretted it, and sent ANOTHER email apologizing for rude comments. I believe it would have passed for civil. barely.
Now I feel ashamed and abandoned. I don't know how to recognize the real side effects/symptoms of illness from those that are psychologically generated. I don't know when to seek treatment, or from whom. At least T seems to be open to talking about psychosomatic symptoms, and their sources though. But drug side effects? She's not an MD.
This is not the first time that pdoc has said something to me that made me feel like a malingering hypochondriac. I keep falling into the same trap though.
If I read too much about side effects, I get them, or at least some of them (because of strong tendency towards somatization of psychological states). If I don't read about possible side effects, I burden pdoc nonetheless about whether something like... clumsiness, lump in throat, blinky eyes, pupil dilation, weight loss/gain... all these things that are probably minor, but they cause me concern.
Sorry so long. I just feel kind of ...stuck... and anxious and maybe angry at myself. Oh what the hell. My somatic symptoms are muscle tension, and stomachache, at the moment. nothing spectacular.
I guess he only wants to hear about spectacular things. or things that he can actually help me with. how do I KNOW, though what he can help me with unless I ask.
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:756868
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756868.html