Posted by susan47 on April 13, 2007, at 19:23:14
Today I came to you; yes, you, not your office, not your space, but I came to see You. In your soul-space. And I understood one thing, and one thing only; it was too large for words though, and when the time came to speak them, I couldn't utter a sound, so I didn't even dial your number, then. Not then. Some things are too large to utter, too big to speak; don't play with my heart, it's the same depth and quality as yours and it bleeds just as much.
My illusions kept me alive for so long. I loved them. I felt like I had a right to them, to feeling my quality, the depth, the things that could come pouring out of me .. good, and bad.
Did I have a right to pour out the bad?
Or even the good?
I don't know, do you? I know my internal obsession gave my life meaning and depth for a long time; my Crush on You. I'm glad you finally understood, or seem to, that is, that it had nothing to do with you.. and everything, too. Hey. You can't make something out of nothing .. you have to have yeast to make bread. I created a lot of the yeast yes, that's true, but so did you. Don't know if it's always been that way, with every xx pt. ... or how it helps them; but I hope it does and I hope I'm the worst experience you'll ever have; in the end I hope something good came out of it.
I can't believe I was, who I was.. and I hope I am who I think, who I believe and feel, I am.
poster:susan47
thread:749594
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/749594.html