Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2007, at 11:17:40
In reply to Dinah, posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 10:55:28
I've done a lot of reading, and there seem to be a lot of theories on what works best.
I've read articles or books by therapists who believe that doing exactly that sort of thing is just what a client needs to shake them up and make them think.
I don't, however, think they are in a majority.
I don't know the answer to what you ask. I always just ask. If my therapist does something I don't understand, and I'm not sure if he meant it to be therapeutic, or he just has indigestion, I'll ask.
I'll say something like "That seems like a confrontational statement. Is your intent to shake me up and get me to think, or are you angry with me, or are you just perhaps in a bad mood." I probably don't put it that succinctly. But I generally manage to get the answer to what I want to know.
Of course, I know my therapist well, and trust him enough to ask. Therapists like biofeedback guy apparently don't take as well to that. And probably it goes over better after twelve years of a relationship than it would in the first five minutes, when a therapist might be more apt to think I was difficult and confrontational.
Then there are those in the middle. I saw two therapists when my therapist moved out of town for a while. The first I quit seeing mainly for reasons unconnected to her, and more to do with where her office was located.
The second I saw for some time. She started off with more or less what I was used to, and what we had agreed to before I began seeing her, but one session she was startlingly confrontational. I was ready to just walk, to tell the truth, but Babblers convinced me to give it another try. So I talked to her about it and told her that I found it just too confrontational to be helpful to me. She agreed to try to balance out the amount of support and confrontation more, and we worked amicably *enough* until my therapist came back, although I never cared for her overmuch. In the end, I don't think we could work well together long term. She prided herself on her directness and the way she pushed clients to change. And when I'm pushed I dig my heels in. I'm better coaxed or led.
My therapist was highly entertained by my description of my time with her. He knew her, and said my impression of her was exactly correct, and she was that way in and out of therapy. Not that it's a bad thing, but he saw that it wouldn't be something that I would want in a therapist.
There is technique to therapy, no doubt about it. And we shouldn't complain overmuch, because if there wasn't, we'd have no reason to see professionals instead of friends. My response was to do as much research as I could so that I understood what techniques he was using. And I often do. If I like the technique ok, I just note it and continue. If I don't, I tell him so and we discuss that.
Am I a control freak? Maybe. In fact definitely. It was years before I admitted to my reading and had to struggle to find a way to tell him or ask him something without sounding as if I knew the words for it. Now he's amused by my reading.
Should I just have trusted him and let the process take me away? Maybe. But first I'd have had to have a personality transplant. Or had the pod people take me over.
poster:Dinah
thread:744331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/744340.html