Posted by widget on March 25, 2007, at 21:11:19
In reply to Re: Widget, how goes it?//widget, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 23:26:05
Dear Gazo, No problem, you haven't said anything so bad. I am obsessed with my psychiatrist. I do want to be very, very special to him. I know I'm onto something but I've never hurt like I do now. Of course, I probably did but its been buried in childhood to protect myself. It is so powerful that it scares me. I feel so alone, so cut off, and truly hopeless, like why bother, really? And, I'm resorting to my old defense mechanism to stop feelings which is to be REALLY busy. I'm accomplishing a lot right now which is really ironic. I remember how I used to seem to have so much energy and did more and more. After therapy started and I connected, I could relax and let lots of things go, perhaps too much. But, I was so much more at peace. I want to let him know how much he has hurt me and, yet, I want to be very cool, icy. Like, ok, lets just handles this like a business deal.
My husband asked me (he doesn't know the part about my love for my psychiatrist; just thinks I think he is my daddy--ok, that's close) if I was going to shrivel up like a raisin and die(he said very kindly). I said no, I had decided to simply not have strong emotions anymore. He asked me how the two were different. Such insight!
But, I have demeaned myself so many times in front of this therapist until he finally is straight with me that he just isn't as attached to me as I to him. So, where do I go from that? I'd like to tell him I don't need him and he'll regret his lack of interest. But, it won't make any difference. I really do not know how to relate to him now. I see him tomorrow. He was sick all last week which was one very loooong week.
I helps me tremendously to know someone else has been down this road. I didn't see it coming until I was truly smitten, walking on clouds. Thanks, friend.
poster:widget
thread:741611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/744232.html