Posted by Daisym on March 25, 2007, at 14:50:01
In reply to the night sky, posted by gazo on March 24, 2007, at 23:25:11
I've spent a long time in therapy circling that same sentence: "I just want to matter because of who I am, not what I do." It is so painful to have this be an internal truth. When I touch this spot, it makes me feel flayed open, like a fish plucked from the sea and gutted yet still alive. It is that painful.
So - I'm learning to think about who matters to ME. And when I think about that, I can see what I bring to that relationship, and what can be done to enhance it. I can see what destructive things I'm doing in order to keep the relationship, and try to change them. It is slow work.
I wish the world offered a way for everyone to feel wanted and useful. I wish we all had people who we knew would miss us if we were gone. Not just miss us because of the tasks we do, but would miss having a place to bring their love and know it was accepted and appreciated and reciprocated. Wouldn' that be truely wonderful?
I am going to encourage you to think about this. Who matters to you? And when you think about these people (or animals :) ) can you feel their loss if you weren't here? I think sometimes we convince ourselves we are alone and yet we don't take steps to try and fill the space for others who are also alone. Not easily done, believe me I know. But if we could step back to offering human kindness and connections, instead of thinking romantic love is the only way to fill the void, I think we'd all feel better.
All that said, I'm sorry you feel so alone. I wish camp comfort existed for real for all of us when we feel that way.
gentle hugs today,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:743994
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/744142.html