Posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 12:57:17
In reply to Re: ginny, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 15, 2007, at 19:33:53
Thanks iwillsurvive, therapygirl, and frida for responding.. I'm sorry to have not replied until now. I've been limiting my access to this board for a lot of reasons.
Thank you all for mentioning how long it took to open up to your Ts. This situation with Ginny makes me feel like I'm totally crazy, but I guess I'm not. It's not fair that after just four sessions (since the trust incident) shes decided I might should go somewhere else. 4 sessions! And that email I sent her was probably the most honest thing I've ever given/said to a therapist ever.
Iwillsurvive, I'm not sure why we cant do emails. She just said it very matter-of-fact, "well we cant do this every week". She used to ask me at the beginning of every session if I had anything to give her (anything written), and I rarely did, but I told her I appreciated her asking and wanted her to keep doing it. I'm the one who asked her to do that in the first place. So as for why written is suddenly not ok... who knows. I guess shes just frustrated. I either have to be perfect and trust her completely or move on.
I havent decided about Laurie yet. She's 2 hours away each way, like I said, so it basically kills an entire day for me to see her.. gas money to drive 4 hours.. and she charges $75/session (thats the reduced fee). $75 is a LOT of money to me. A whole lot. I only pay Ginny $10/session. I did see Laurie all summer and pay that, but I was making more money then and it was only temporary. She really just doesnt feel like a good long-term solution.. as much as I'd LOVE for her to be. I dont know. I see her against next Tues (8 days from now) so I guess I'll talk to her about it then.
iwillsurvive, your T sounds great.. letting you open up as you're able and being sensitive to you.. I wish Ginny was like that right now. That email was huge. I didnt expect her to get every single detail.. but wasnt the fact that I needed some reassurance pretty clear? To you all? Maybe it just seemed clear to me, I dont know. But she didnt offer any at all.
My feeling right now (and this past week or so) is just that I'm done with therapy. I'm not going to look for a new T right away. No one seems to understand, but I just know that one more mishap, one more hurtful situation, is more than I could take right now. Everyone says "just do it anyway, you have to try" but I KNOW I just couldnt take it. Even if my reactions are overreactions, they are still very real for me. Ginny suggested that maybe I should quit therapy all together (not just with her, but overall). I guess shes right. I know it's a bad decision.. I'm obviously not in a good place to be quitting therapy overall and not getting any help. But if the "help" is like this, then forget it. I can do better on my own.
I see Ginny again tomorrow (Tues) at 10 and again on Thursday. Not sure if we'll even end up keeping Thurs, but its scheduled for now. Shes gone the next week.. taking her kids to Disney World. Probably wont matter for me though. I also see my pdoc then.. on the 30th.. I've been out of the hospital for weeks and I'm STILL not on any meds. None. Great. Anyone want to wager a guess as to why I dont want to reach out for help again?
poster:wishingstar
thread:740682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/742141.html