Posted by muffled on February 26, 2007, at 13:16:14
In reply to Re: Widget re:your T, posted by widget on February 26, 2007, at 12:34:58
> BUT, it is very important that he find me attractive because that would validate me.
*so, if you were unattractive you would not be worth anything??? I am not good looking, but I am honest and kind. I prefer to be validated on who I am, not my gender or what I look like...
>I know its weird but that what's going on. If only he could see me as a woman, I would feel desirable. That is all I want. Wow, if I knew the answer to that....
**I think you've got some skewed thinking going on here, and thats a good thing to work on on T. My T helps me to figger out my wrong thinking.
>I think you are, also, right that he doesn't wish to talk about HIS sexuality. The problem is that in the past that is where I've been stuck.
**Mebbe not so much that he don't wish to talk about his sexuality, but that he knows it would be damaging and unhelpful to YOU. He sees the big picture.
>I've been trying to read into anything he says, doesn't say, voice inflection, etc.
**I think alot of us babblers do this with our T's. Perhaps for our own self protection.
>So, do you think he was extending me a courtesy to talk about his feelings toward me at all?
**No, not a courtesy, he was not shutting you out as best he could, while protecting you and the therapy relationship.
>And, I totally agree that certain automatic, unplanned sexual attractions toward inappropriate people (ie: your nephew, your brother) should be repressed. But, in therapy, couldn't he have told me if this was the case?
**A most emphatic NO!!!!! I truly think it would cause many probs in the long haul. Unrealistic expectations, damaging to therapy fantasies, obsession with a topic that has no resolution etc. I am glad he is aware of this. That is why he is the T! So he can safely guide the therapy.
>In fact, he told me this was not the case since "he doesn't go there." But, his not going there seems like severe repression on his part
**Whether or not its repression on his part is really none of a clients business...that may seem harsh, but this is where those damn boundaries come in. They are VERY important to successful therapy. They protect BOTH the T and the client.
>how can you stop an automatic feeling of attraction, be it ever fleeting? Isn't that just human.
**do you act on every passing thot you have?
>And, I think at this point he would have told me if that were so and, yes, that would have satisfied me.
**You THINK it would have satified you......sigh, I have found SO many times that I am so sure bout something, and my T says otherwise and I don't beleive her, but eventually she is proven right. I always tell her that I find her SO annoying when that happens. Sometimes many months go by, b4 the truth that she was in fact right comes along....
>I appreciate you listening to me; I know I probably don't make rational sense but it's how I feel.
**And I appreciate your honesty.
>I realize I'll never get what I want from him
**No one person can meet all our needs. Our T's help us found out how to deal with this in real life.
Our T's help meet SOME needs, but never can meet them all.
What DO you want from him? Sex? Love? Help to straighten out your dysfunctionalities?>I feel like a little kid who feels safe enough with this therapist (I was NEVER safe with my dad), to DEMAND what I feel I need.
**Aha! What you FEEL you need from him.....
Our emotions are often wrong....>I am driven to try to break my therapist's boundaries. The more he resists, the harder I try.
**Thats also a fantastic topic to explore in T.
>However, I am at the end of trying as I have asked in every oblique way culminating in a very direct way and its a no go. This makes me feel so very sad and unlovable and undesirable.**What? That he won't have sex with you? That he doesn't look at you as an object of sexuality? Widget you are a good person it seems to me, is it not enough that he view you as a good person, worthy of getting the help she needs?
> Loving him, however, is hopeless, just like trying to elicit love from my dad.
**Oh......Hmmmmmmmm. Interesting thot there.........
>I hope I am not confusing you. I am probably frustrating you as you are dealing from the head, rational thinking and I am coming from the heart.
**Heart is good, but heart doesn't always make sense, and that why we got head too!!! You are NOT frustrating me, you are helping me distract me from myself and my sh*t. Thank you. I just hope I am not angering you with my bluntness. If so I am sorry. Please let me know.
Take care.
> Thanks for writing, I really appreciate any feedback. Sincerely, Widget
poster:muffled
thread:736423
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/736456.html