Posted by muffled on February 26, 2007, at 12:03:42
Well, I am avoiding the whole sex thing myself, utterly, so I proly not the best person for info, but I so felt for you in your post. But I will give it a shot....
said about your therapist probably not answering a question about your sexual attractiveness except with a question was wise,indeed. In my reading, that is often what therapists do say to their analysands. But, I simply could not leave it alone.
**Now the fact you can't leave it alone sounds like good fodder for T. WHY is this SO important to you?
> I can only say that my need to know was far greater than my imagined rejection feelings if the answer was no, I don't see you sexually. Anyway, I found out I was wrong, the truth hurt more that I could have ever imagined.
**Sorry you were hurt, but I am SO glad yout T is ethical.
Again thoughm WHY is it SO important to you that he see you sexually?>Why do I feel I can't trust him now? Its complicated as usual. It's because he has been so warm, kind, caring, sensitive, unbelievably understanding, accepting no matter what, that I could only imagine this was love. If not love, then at least he might think of me as sexually attractive and that would be something to hold onto, not to act on.
**Hmmm. Sex does NOT equal love. He may in fact care for you very deeply as a client, that does not means he must then want to have sex w/you.
>And, it was SO important to me. And, I know that is what I need to be working on in therapy. But, the child in me says, Gee, would that have been such a big deal for him to have had some automatic sexual reaction to me, one that occurred spontaneously, was noted but not dwelled upon before he moved on. It would have been a scrap I could carry like a talisman.It would have meant everything.
** sorry to be so annoying but again WHY is it so darn important to you that he feel sexually attracted to you?
>One last point. He said "I don't go there", meaning allowing himself to view a patient as anything but a patient. This greatly confuses me. Isn't this repression of emotion? Isn't that what we are in therapy to deal with and resolve? But, on a more human level, isn't it just natural to appreciate the sexuality of another person rather than negate it as if it weren't there? Don't we all, ALL, have such reactions to others, people we see on the street or ocassionally talk to, or even know better? And, that does not mean we act upon these feelings. I thought that was what made me human.
**We all have occasional usu PASSING sexual type thots towards another, yes, thats a human thing. But if for example I had a sexual thot bout my brother in law, or my nephews friend....that should be repressed, cuz its wrong, and it would pass and thats OK.
If I had sexual thots of eg. my brother in law, should I tell him? His wife?, no, I don't think so, it would just hurt others and cause trouble.
If your T said yes! I think your hot, would that truly be theraputic? or would perhaps it cause more trouble really in the end? Would it in fact harm the relationship? I think from the things I have read here on babble, that it very likely would do irreparable damage.>And, if he can deal with me in everyway, why can he not deal with my sexuality which is an integral part of me? I am not sexless. I am a woman, does anyone notice?
**LOL! Well I can't tell from here!!!ROFL!!!
It sounds like your T is willing to talk sexuality, but not HIS sexuality, which is exactly right on his part.
So I'm not sure what your looking for other than some kind of validation from him? If so, he has ALREADY validated and protected you by answering your question just the way he did.
Did this make ANY sense ay all to you?
Sorry if not.
Take care.
poster:muffled
thread:736423
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/736423.html