Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2007, at 17:51:39
In reply to Why won't I call by T back? (long), posted by mair on February 14, 2007, at 16:55:09
Mair, I'm sorry about your sister.
I think *everything* you're feeling is perfectly natural, even the ambivilance.
It's scary to see someone you care about not doing well, especially people that you look to as being there to take care of you.
She isn't the same therapist that you've always had, so therapy isn't as beneficial to you. I wouldn't dismiss your perceptions as projection. I know my therapist wasn't himself at all during the Katrina aftermath, and he'll be the first to admit it. There's a possibility that one day she may be again, but she's not right now.
I think I'd be inclined to want to take advantage of the breached attachment to back away, if only out of fear that the attachment will hurt again.
And feeling scared about leaving anything you have had so long is bound to be scary. I have made inroads in placing some of my workload out, but everytime I take a step forward, I panic that maybe I'll need that money and I'll never find as congenial an assignment later, etc. etc. I sometimes think being fired is the only way to budge me from my clinging in fear.
And *of course* you care about her after all this time, and worry about her caseload and earnings potential. That's only natural, no matter how many books tell us it's not our jobs to take care of our therapists.
But of course it isn't our jobs to do that. And if therapy isn't helpful to you right now, for whatever reason, you don't need to continue it for her sake. No matter what your reason for discontinuing it. If it would be more helpful for you to step back and reassess therapy when she's well again, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
I chose to hang in there and cling to what remnants I had left of my therapist when he was not himself. And to tell the truth, I'm not sure I made the right decision. Things will never ever be what they once were. In some ways the changes are pleasant, but in some ways they're not terribly therapeutic. That's me, of course. And you might not find the same experience. But I suspect that any major life event leaves the participants changed. Or as T3 (the therapist I saw when he was away) said "You'll never be able to forget what *did* happen." I wasn't sure if she was warning or cursing me.
You might find that when it's all over you've forged a new and even better connection.
But right now, if it's not helpful to see her, it's not. It's fair to say that.
poster:Dinah
thread:732804
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/732834.html