Posted by Daisym on February 8, 2007, at 23:16:52
In reply to Re: Telling T big bad secret memory » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by littleone on February 7, 2007, at 23:21:43
Thanks Llurpsie. I have strong beliefs that talking never helps. I partly understand where that belief has come from and so I try to be open to the idea that perhaps talking can indeed help. So I ball up my courage and tell my T and it never seems to make a difference. It just feels like the talking never helps belief has been reinforced.
****I've always thought this too. The best way to feel better is to move on, not think, not tell, just go forward. The faster the better. But perhaps it isn't the talking at all...it is the connecting and the listening and the sharing of the pain behind the words. How else will you hear yourself if you don't tell him?And the worst thing is that I can’t even remember what was said to be able to know what he said right or wrong. I know I have the miserable part that rejects everything he says, but I can’t even remember if the talking didn’t help because she was there rejecting, or whether my T really was saying the wrong things.
***You'd know if they were the wrong things. Your radar is too good and your brain would sort out and eventually make sense of hurtful words or intentions. My therapist often tells me that what he says is less important that the way he says it and the fact that he is there to say it at all. 90% of communication isn't spoken. So the part that is rejecting is being met by his quiet part that refuses to be rejected and is patiently waiting for her to see that he is safe and sweet and won't hurt her. He will wait. She needs him too.Had my running shoes on and all laced up after my session. Even if I stayed I wanted to close up shop and give my T nothing else and have vegetable sessions. And instead I’ve written pages upon pages of stuff for him. Have way too much now. But I still don’t want to give him anything. I’m so back and forth. Very conflicted.
***I know this feeling too well. But give it to him anyway. All of it. It sounds so important. I think pounding the pavement is a great way to work out some of the conflict. Just know you have to come back to it eventually.Therapy is just way too hard for my liking. Ditto for life in general.
***I know. I agree. But you are doing it. You are doing some really hard work AND you are writing about it here. I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:729410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731279.html